In my conversations with female engineers about acquiring new skills, a recurring sentiment emerges: “I don’t want to code in my free time” or “I lack interest in gaming.” This has posed an ongoing challenge for me, as I’ve observed a correlation between those who enjoy programming and those who engage in gaming. During our 1×1 sessions, discussions about the latest games often dominate. This connection used to be more natural when my household included avid gamers, but as the kids moved out, staying updated on gaming trends became less frequent.

Sharing my hobbies with peers or leaders often results in a conversation stall. My interests span gardening, sewing, quilting, and travel. While travel is a common ground, attempting to connect on the other hobbies often leads to responses like, “My grandmother likes quilting,” or “My older aunt is into gardening.” Consequently, I find myself relegated to the “old lady” camp.

In certain 1×1 scenarios, I reached a point where I would assume my husband’s hobbies for specific individuals. This sad reality stemmed from an inability to relate on topics such as raising kids (deemed the wife’s job) and, more significantly, engaging in hobbies traditionally associated with women. Consequently, discussions would steer towards cars and motorcycles, my husband’s passions, in which I also actively participate. However, given the choice between gardening and undertaking mechanical tasks, gardening prevails every time. Yet, individuals with such interests may influence promotions or projects critical for career advancement, making it essential to establish connections with them.

Normalizing hobbies unrelated to technology is crucial. Even male team members tend to start with acceptable hobbies like tech and gaming. Digging a little deeper often reveals more facets of their lives.

Hobbies exhibit geographical variations. My European colleagues, for instance, display more support for gardening, as it’s a prevalent lifestyle choice in the EU. Adult active sports also find popularity, with members engaging in football (soccer) and basketball. Interestingly, physical activity tends to be less emphasized in American hobbies.

Acknowledging that not everyone wants to discuss their hobbies is crucial. As a leader, understanding that some individuals prefer to maintain a separation between work and personal life is essential. For those on your team who don’t wish to delve into personal interests, respecting their boundaries and finding alternative ways to connect is vital. Over time, this approach becomes more manageable.

Facilitating shared hobbies can be enjoyable and contribute to team building. Here are some activities I organized for both in-office and remote teams:

Board gaming (in-office): Initiate a game night in the office. I utilized some basic board games and encouraged gaming enthusiasts on the team to bring their favorites. It’s really fun if you can do this internationally to allow team members to bring in some regional favorites.

Cooking (Remote): Explore culinary interests by organizing cooking sessions. Share unique recipes from your culture, conducting advanced cooking demonstrations over Zoom. Even if team members don’t cook along, encourage them to join the virtual mealtime, fostering bonding over food.

Pet fostering (in-office and remote): Consider fostering pets as a team-building activity. In-office, set up a room with foster kittens, ensuring prior notice for allergies. For remote teams, leverage technology to share the experience of fostering puppies via a dedicated Zoom room.  I have done both of these and find the mental health value and bonding to the team, worth the work it took to get approved from IT (dedicated zoom) or HR/Office Manager (allowing pets). 

Sewing/Quilting (in-office): Organize a sewing or quilting session during lunch breaks. Coordinate logistics to bring sewing machines into the office and engage in a social gathering. Choose a project, such as creating pillowcases or stuffed toys, and consider incorporating a charitable aspect for team members to volunteer their time.

Grow your own plant (in-office or remote): Plan a gardening activity either in the office or remotely with a modest budget. Encourage team members to plant kits together during a shared Zoom session. Over the following months, maintain a shared space for team members to share pictures of their growing plants or discuss their progress during team meetings.

Are their other hobbies you’ve found success in sharing with teams?